After the events that have taken place after i left Tarantia, I have been confused. My head is in disarray. Until now, I have not been able to straighten out my head properly. Memories were just a blur and could not understand what I were supposed to do, or what I had been doing before. I lived in a vacum, until I met Teleila.

She welcomed me into her clan, which is also my own clan. I think I am blessed by Mitra anyhow. The fearghals have given me peace, support and time to recover. The memories are not any longer a blur, and I remember why I left home, and what I wanted to be. As much as I want to be "home" with the Fearghals, I know now that I need to wander out, and once and for all decide what my future is gonna look like. When I return, it will be without doubt, without hesitation, without fear. I will live by myself an my thoughts for 6 weeks. No less at least, longer if I need it.

I do already look forward to return to my feargals, as I miss them day by day. However, my quest, is mine alone, and it is dire needed.

sincerely
Xolthar de`Hoppl

((as it is a story I moved it here))

Its dark. Pitch dark. The cold mountain air flows freely down from the Egliophian Mountains above me. It sings to me, sweet lullabies. It keeps me calm, as I hear sounds carried by the winds. Blades cut through flehs, and gulps from victims whos blood wash through their owners throaths. My father roars ..what are you doing; son?... and a strange female voice, silklike, whisper soothing words. They make the gashing and my father disappear.

I try too make her, go away. To let the darkness engulf me, and the cold protect me. I hide in the morning. I move in the night. The dark clears my head. I can think again. Picture how the daggers I hold, will penetrate a soft skin, and allow its owners blood to pour out in freedom. let it spill into the ground, and wash it red.

The bats wake me up. They are out too hunt. I open my eyes, the cave is still pitch black, but the bats tell me the world is black aswell. Its time for another day!

Xolthar de'Hoppl

Its heart beats. Fast! Its scared. Its stomach heaves, and the yellow eyes flicker. Not a sound is made, but the soothing winds, that pass the cold mountain air down. No rapid movements, I move at its side, well hidden, but still so visible. it can sense my being, my closing. But I will not kill it, not today. My hunger is not yet bigger than my lust. Too control the lust, is to control the mission. Lust must not tempt me, making me weak. Lust is.. essential.

An owl hoots, and the predator turns its yellow eyes, and starts to move away. Its white tailtip glimmers in the moonlight. it shows me where to move. A dried branch snaps, and the predator stops. terrified! The predator made a sound, and it has finally understood. From the first sense of its hunter, 3 hours ago, it finally understands that it going to die. It should thank me. No beast has ever before understood this and lived to tell. Beasts are strangley simple. Easy. Their intelligence is of a rat. Insticts only. No room for diversity and understanding. Simple needs controlled by simple things. Hunger, thirst...and.. . fear.

Three meters, two.. one. The predator is like frozen. I can see it better now. It shivers, like a small child in the snow. But not of cold.. of fear, of death. I rise up, it stairs me in the eyes. The dark in its eyes retracts, making its yellow larger, but no theets appear. No white on that dark background, showing it wants to tear me to pieces. Still frozen, I swiftly move towards it, grab that snoute. It dosent move, totally frozen, though shivering... my dagger cuts through it, and some white falls to the ground.

The beast is phatetic. A large hump of fur and no will. still now, with the insights full of pain, it dares not move. I release it, pick up the white, and vanish into the dark. Finally, it turns, sprinting away from me. The tailtip is no longer glimmering in the moonlight as the wolf runs. I hold it in my hand, a trophy of my deed, of my victory over a simple beast, of my lust which I still not control. My hunger must grow larger, no food this night. Perhaps, tomorrow night.. I will be able to control myself!